Husband makes perverted sexual demands
Fatwa No: 285643

  • Fatwa Date:1-4-2015 - Jumaadaa Al-Aakhir 12, 1436
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Question

Salam, I really need your help and feel embarrassed to ask but do not know what to do. I've asked two men in the past, who are ruqaah and they both took advantage of my situation and wanted to do haram with me.Therefore, I ask you kindly to help clarify this issue for me and ask that you forgive me for any vulgarity in sharing the issue. I have been married for 18 years but in the past 10 years, I have been very bothered by my husband. Over the years, my husband has been interested in trying different things in bed. What has bothered me the most is that he wants to be a female in bed and prefers the role of the female over the male. He wants me to address him as if he is a female. He wants to wear female clothes and he gets more desire when he takes on this role. At first, I thought it was a phase but then I found that he has trouble getting excited if he takes the male role. He asks me to do things that I can not bear - He wants to be penetrated like a female, with a tool or with my finger. I told him that I don't think this is halal. I told him that I don't want him to be a female in bed. However, he is struggling with this. He enjoys this role more than anything else. Am I overreacting? Is this something normal for a man? Is something wrong with him? How do I deal with this situation? What does Islam say about a man taking on the role of a woman in bed? My husband is a pious man. He prays his prayers and I do too. I just can't understand this problem and feel like it is too much for me to bear. I have 4 children. I feel committed to them. I just can't bear what happens in bed. Please, please shed some Islamic light on this issue. Please contact me via e-mail if you need any further detail to give me a good fatwa. Thanks....

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

If what you mentioned about your husband is true, then he is greatly afflicted and it consists in a deterioration of his Fitrah (the natural predisposition upon which Allaah created mankind) and his falling into sexual perversion.

You stated that he seeks to take the position of a female in bed, and he prefers that you be on top of him during intercourse. Even though this is the most minor point that you mentioned about him, proper conduct in intercourse, which agrees with the Fitrah and the Sharee‘ah, includes that the man positions himself on top of the woman, not the other way around.

Ibn Al-Qayyim  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him said in Zaad Al-Ma‘aad: “The best position for intercourse is that the man gets on top of the woman after foreplay and kissing; it is for this reason that a woman is called a "bed" (Firaash, Arabic), as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "The child belongs to the owner of the bed"; this is an aspect of the highest degree of a man being in charge of the woman; Allaah says (what means): {Men are in charge of women.} [Quran 4:34] The worst forms are when the woman gets on top of the man and he has sexual intercourse with her while he is lying on his back; this is contrary to the natural way upon which Allaah created the man and the woman or, rather, the male and female genders. There are disadvantages to the man being on his back and the woman on top, such as the semen not being fully released, as part of it may stay in the penis and become rotten, so it is harmful.

Also, the fact that he wants you to address him as a female, and that he wants to wear feminine clothes, all this is evidence of the corruption of his Fitrah. Ibn ‘Abbaas  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him said: “The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, cursed men who imitate women and women who imitate men.” [Al-Bukhari] For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 175711.

What is even worse than all this is that he wants you to penetrate his anus with something; this is evil and consists in a form of homosexuality, and it is not permissible for you to obey him in this. Please refer to Fatwa 90583.

Indeed, you are right to consider all these behaviors to be serious and abnormal, and this is evidence of your faith – Allaah willing – so be firm on this, and be keen on advising your husband in a gentle manner in light of what we have mentioned. You should remind him that such reprehensible conduct is not appropriate for a man who claims to be religious, and you should supplicate Allaah to guide him and allow him to repent. If he improves, then this is what is desired; otherwise, separating from him is better, because staying married to such a husband is an evil. So, you may ask him for divorce (if he does not change), even in exchange for compensation; Al-Buhooti  may  Allaah  have  mercy  upon  him from the Hanbali School of Fiqh said: “If a husband abandons one of the rights of Allaah, then it is desirable for the wife to seek Khul‘ because of him abandoning the rights of Allaah.

Allaah Knows best.

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